I was feeling a bit crappy yesterday and instead of giving in to it. We went to the gym. I did a 5k on the treadmill (because marathon training) and used the weight machines. I came out the gym with my mood lifted.

Rewind 2-3 years ago when I was feeling a bit crappy I would have gone to the pub or had a drink at home. I would have probably felt better for a tiny little while but then I would have just carried on drinking.

This morning I got up at 5.45 am and got the tram to Firehouse to do a Fire Fight Class. This involved a lot of boxing type exercises. Something I have never done before. It was tough but I loved it. I came out of the place buzzing, I got to work earlier than usual and I was in a good mood all day. I only started flagging about 8 pm.

If I had gone to the pub or drank at home my morning and day would have been so different. I would have felt like death, crawled out of bed. Maybe been sick, my mouth would have been so dry I’d have been drinking water like I’d not drank in a week. I’d have gone to work nursing a hangover, possibly shaking and in a terrible mood. I would then come home to need a takeaway and then hopefully have gone to bed.

I am now writing this feeling mellow, my muscles ache but in a good way and I don’t have the beer fear or anxiety that goes with drinking.

I went to Firehouse having no clue what I was doing and I asked for help. I wouldn’t have even gone 2 years ago. For fear I’d make a right idiot of myself.

If you can drink a couple of glasses and put the lid back on then fair play to you. I can’t and I know I’d rather have exercise adrenaline and a natural high any day than blackouts, memory loss and hangovers. I don’t see any benefits to drinking now. The more I watch people drink the more I don’t understand how I did that to myself for 25+ years.

I’ve been thinking about starting a blog for a while. Not because I think I’m incredibly interesting, but because I find it cathartic to write my issues down and if my journey can help anyone then I’m happy to share it.

I am currently in training for the London Marathon, am I a good runner – No, do I enjoy running – Yes when it’s finished. But the running and the calorie counting helped me lose 66lbs and go from a size 20 to a size 8-10 (sometimes a 12) depending on where I buy my clothes. This was all extremely life changing for me as I go on and on about on my fitnessbore Instagram and Facebook account.

I will go in to this all in more detail and probably drive anyone who bothers to read this mad (I’m not sorry). What I want to talk about today is my anxiety. Today I had an article published so far in the Sheffield Star and The Metro documenting the journey we have all been through as a family and hopefully helping me raise money for The Sheffield Children’s Hospital. This is a good positive thing, nothing bad about it, but all I have is a huge knot of anxiety and my brain going at 100 miles an hour saying but what if this happens and what if that happens. All negative, all not helpful to me in anyway, previously I used to have a drink to shut the anxiety up but now I’ve been sober over 2 years I have to find other ways and to be honest in the long run the drink made it worse anyway. Exercise is so far the best way I’ve found to deal with it and also thinking the whole thing through to the end. How likely is the scenario that my brain has conjured up really to happen, if it did happen would I have done the article in the first place and the answer is yes.

Anxiety has been a factor all my life. I was told I was a very shy child but I now know I just suffered from anxiety, empathy and overthinking everything. I’m definitely not alone in this and it is something that can be made easier. I think realising your not alone is a huge step.