I gave up drinking 857 days ago. I have an app that tells me that otherwise I wouldn’t have a clue how many days it was.
I will shout out loud about giving up alcohol. I don’t have any issue what so ever in the fact I had an unhealthy relationship with something that is an addictive substance. I don’t think there should be any stigma attached to it. If you can drink responsibly and not have a problem then well done you. But if you can’t and can relate to what I’m going to say then hopefully someone speaking up about it will help.
I started drinking at 14 I’d go to pubs and eventually to clubs with my friends and I drank for fun. It was definitely binge drinking and I can’t ever remember just going out for one or two. If we were drinking we were drinking to get drunk. That stuck with me for life.
I could go days, weeks even months (when pregnant) without a drink. But if I had one then that was it I’d be getting hammered. It was just normal no one thought anything of it, as to be honest everyone I knew seemed to be doing the same.
The problems started when I started having blackouts. I’d be told what I’d done the night before but I had no recollection and the hangovers got worse and worse. The anxiety that goes with not remembering is mind numbing. Yet I still carried on because it’s what you do. Alcohol is stitched in to the fabric of our society.
Something good happens you drink, something bad happens you drink. Nothing happens you drink out of boredom.
The first drink always tastes amazing and then I have no off switch so the vicious circle goes round and round. Every blackout and hangover you swear is the last time. My weight crept up and up and I gave up alcohol for dry January so it’s obviously not an issue in my life (I told myself). I didn’t drink first thing in a morning or even every day. So I carried on drinking, I’d try moderating I was shocking at that as it always ended the same way. Usually with me not remembering stuff.
I also became an argumentative, aggressive drunk not every time. But when you have been a dick whilst drunk and then can’t remember it and someone tells you what you have said or done it’s the worst feeling.
I tried giving up for a month, two months. I even managed 3 months but everytime I’d think I’ve cracked it now I can go back and drink moderately and not often. I couldn’t!
I was still functioning in life. You wouldn’t know I had an issue unless you drank with me anyway.
I saw a picture of myself at a friend’s wedding, overweight and didn’t recognise myself and I decided to lose weight and start exercising. I managed to lose weight whilst still drinking. This is ridiculously bad for you as you are using your calories for alcohol. Empty calories with no micronutrients or goodness in them.
I’d also taken up running and occasionally I’d try running with a hangover – you sweat alcohol it’s so unpleasant. My first 10k race the kids were away and I was just going to have one drink the night before. I had many pints and the 10k was pure evil. I literally swore my way round.
I eventually trained for my first marathon and I gave up drinking for 3 months. Until the month before the marathon. I’d lost 2 stone I felt good, sod it I can have a few drinks. That led to me putting 18lbs back on by the January and also not being as fit as I wanted for my first marathon.
I did dry January and felt so much better again and then went away for a child free weekend where I drank lager, wine and finished the night on bourbon. As you can imagine that night is a blur. I woke up the next day and had the worst hangover. I couldn’t move without the room spinning. I felt sick and dizzy and couldn’t even leave the cottage we had rented. The day after that was 857 days ago.
The first 3 months were not easy but this time it felt different this time something in my brain had clicked. What good was alcohol actually doing for me. Yes that first drink and the tipsy feeling was great. But the weight gain, bloated face, blackouts and hangovers were not. After the first 3 months I was sleeping better, my running improved, I went on to lose the rest of my weight. I didn’t have blackouts or beer fear, my job is so much easier. My anxiety is under control.
I went through the worst year of my life last year and this year is not so great either. But I feel that being sober, fit and healthy has given me the tools to tackle life. Had I been drinking still I have no clue the state I’d be in now.
I am not telling anyone what to do. Only you know if this is an issue in your life. But I will share my story because I feel like reading something like this may have helped the old version of me.
Fitnessbore 